It’s evident that many intense kids tip the scale on smarts, but until this week, I never realized that intensity and giftedness have so many shared characteristics. I’ve been researching the topic thanks to synchronistic resources shared by Robin, a new member of energyparenting, and my determination to find the best education for my sons. Have a look at some shared traits:
- Questions authority
- Keen sense of justice
- Feelings hurt easily
- Perfectionist
- Pays attention when interested
- High energy
That’s a recipe for a challenging child – or at least my challenging child! The list is my quick picks from an extensive giftedness traits scale compiled at http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/PDF_files/characscale.pdf
Linda Kreger Silverman at the GiftedDevelopmentCenter defines giftedness as being developmentally advanced from early childhood, but not in all areas. She sites these examples:
- As she asks what happens after you die and How do we know we aren’t part of someone else’s dream? she still can’t tie her shoes!
- An eleven-year-old with his calculus book in one hand and his well-worn Curious George in the other.
She has some interesting observations about how differently mothers and fathers view “giftedness” – what a surprise J. Fathers define it as achievements, “he’s no Einstein,” while mothers worry that early development makes it hard for the child to fit in.
Here’s Silverman’s summary: “Gifted children and adults see the world differently because of the complexity of their thought processes and their emotional intensity. People often say to them, ‘Why do you make everything so complicated?’ ‘Why do you take everything so seriously?’ ‘Why is everything so important to you?’ ‘The gifted are ‘too’ everything: too sensitive, too intense, too driven, too honest, too idealistic, too moral, too perfectionistic, too much for other people! Even if they try their entire lives to fit in, they still feel like misfits.”
If you’re following the energyparenting path, you know how to see the greatness component to your child’s challenging characteristics. A child who can question authority won’t be drinking the cyanide kool aid; the one who’s big on justice will be wiping out war or hunger; the sensitive one rises up to protect others; the perfectionist raises the bar in her chosen field; and the idea that we pay attention only to what’s interesting, well, what I’ve observed with challenging children is that when the need to know is there (as defined by them), the desire appears and mastery is eminent. But then again, I’ve been know to be “too idealistic.”
Energyparenting is a strengths-based approach. I’m planning on applying that approach to my sons’ education. That means onstead of bribing my child to excel in subjects he’s not interested in, I think I’ll simply help him fully explore what does interest him. It doesn’t fit in to a “balanced student” education and grading system, but for a parent determined to discover and nurture potential giftedness, it’s perhaps the route of least frustration and fastest engagement of a child’s mind and heart in pursuits that are meaningful and bring happiness.
To Our Greatness in Parenting Challenging Children!