What parent hasn’t had a good laugh over a young child opening a present, tossing aside the costly contents with hardly a glance, and engaging mom or dad in a lively round of peek-a-boo with the box?
Discussion ensues that a lot of money could have been saved in pursuit of what makes a little one light up. As the years go by, the contents grab center stage for a little longer – a few days or months. But what remains is this: No matter how difficult your child is, how old he or she is, or how horrible the family history, the thing your child most wants from you is Y-O-U. No makeup, no multitasking, no manipulation. No kidding.
You ARE the PRIZE in the Cracker Jacks box. You ARE the favorite TOY.
It’s a truth that’s easy to deny or bury – especially when a parent makes a sincere effort with a challenging child to please or connect that’s mocked, refused, rejected.
Does a sound rebuffing mean that your child doesn’t want you? No! It’s a wakeup call for you to get serious about fearless relationship building, ENERGYPARENTING style.
All the money, toys and trips in the world can’t buy a close relationship with our kids or anyone else. Materialism is bankrupt; relationships are rich.
Perhaps you’ve witnessed newly divorced parents competing for the affections of their child with a contest of who-can-buy-the-most toys and fund-the-coolest-outings. Even great stuff gets old quickly. Relationship always wins.
We call ENERGYPARENTING “The Relationship Revolution” because so much about relating in our culture – parenting, educating and working – is only about behavior management. That’s skin-deep contact. ENERGYPARENTING is a heart-to-heart direct connection that’s honest, present and transformational.
Here are three ways to give yourself to your challenging child:
1. BE THE PRIZE: When you know you’re the best thing going, you relate differently. You’re confident. There’s no need for begging, pleading, whining, complaining (we’re referring to the parents here!). Your devotees live to please you; long to follow you. Lead accordingly.
2. LET GO OF THE PAST: Who is your child without the past? What life, limb or property would be harmed if you decided to give everybody in your household, including yourself, a clean slate? Let’s not wait for New Year’s. Let’s do it today. Let’s do it every moment.
3. DEVOTE 5 MINUTES A DAY: Energize your child for a total of five minutes a day, 30 seconds at a time. Voice your appreciation for who he is, what’s happening that’s right and what’s not happening that’s wrong; expound on the good character qualities she’s demonstrating; say how much they mean to you. Use texting, instant messaging, cell phone messages, telephone calls, a quick knock on the bedroom door, a surprise visit at school, a note in the lunchbox.
If your child is hiding from you with titanium-strength defenses, don’t give up. ENERGYPARENTING is stealth. Decide to believe that you are the prize, that you’re the favorite toy, and fearlessly continue energizing to disarm and win his heart.
To the Gift of Relationship!